HAVASUPAI ADVENTURE

By

The Great MELVIN ZWICK

  What is a Havasupai adventure?  Well read on and I, MELVIN ZWICK, will tell you.

   A Havasu Adventure is a heart throbbing walk through a South America.

Jungle where there are ants as big as cats, 

 

Giant blood sucking bats  

 

 

and native Indian that have poison darts they shoot through the likes of Kyle’s baseball mortar. 

   Moreover, why would anyone want to go on a Havasupai Adventure?  Because at the end there is a party hosted by Miss McKenna and Miss Cassidy serving Bowes kiddos cookies.  There are thousands of books for the Bowes kids to read, the fastest sneakers for Miss McKenna, thousands of earrings for Miss Cassidy, all the chocolate one could want for Chocolate loving momma, a web master to teach the computer lady all she ever wanted to know about web design and the most advanced satellite connection and computer for Ted and Chuck.

Attending the party is well worth the dangers in getting there.

   There you go again Melvin Zwick, telling another tall tale.  A Havasu Adventure is not in the South American Jungle.  It is an adventure in Arizona.  There is one thing true about your description though.  It would be worth any trip to attend a party hosted by Miss McKenna and Miss Cassidy serving Bowes kiddos cookies. 

   So get on with telling the real story of a Havasu Adventure.

  Grandpa you are always interrupting my exciting stories.

  OK.  OK.  Here goes.  A Havasupai Adventure is an extreme hiking adventure.  It is an eleven mile hike down 3500 foot hill to a place called Mooney Falls.  It is an overnight camping stay at the falls.  Then it is an 11-mile hike up to the trailhead roughly 3500 feet above Mooney Falls.  It is another 2 miles to Beaver Falls is one wants to go there.

   Why would anyone want to put themselves through such stress?  Because it is a beautiful hike.  The falls and pools are like nothing you will ever see anywhere else.

   It is the Havasu village where the Havasupai Indian tribe lives. 

   It is three waterfalls each one prettier than the last.  It is a fourth water fall that is much harder to get to and not quite as beautiful as the other three.

   That gives us a brief description of the Adventure.  Now to get into the specifics.

   Why would the great MELVIN ZWICK want to write about a Havasupai?

Adventure?  Why you ask?  Because your adventurous Grandpa hiked the trail three times.  The last hike was a little different from the first two.  The description of the third hike will surprise all of Grandpa’s family.  The story of that hike will be told at the end of the story.  No Kiddos do not jump to the end.  You must read the entire story first.

   On to the description of Grandpa’s adventure.  The head of the trail of the Havasupai Adventure starts at a point about 75 miles north of Peach Springs, Arizona.  There is a dirt road from Peach Springs to the trailhead at Hualapai hilltop.  Where is Peach Springs you ask?  I, MELVIN ZWICK could send all of you on a map adventure to find where Peach Springs is but I won’t.  Peach Springs is about 30 miles North West of Seligman, Arizona.  Where is Seligman you ask?  Well if you keep asking where things are I, MELVIN ZWICK, will not be able to tell you about the Havasupai Adventure.  OK. All right.  Seligman is ninety miles west of Flagstaff, Arizona.  Flagstaff is where the Bowes family lives for a while and Aunt Kelley went to college in Flagstaff. 

   Where are we now?  Oh Yeah.  At the trail head of the Havasupai Adventure. 

Grandpa’s car was parked at the trailhead.   

    When Grandpa did his hikes, there was nothing but a dirt parking lot at the hilltop.  I, MELVIN ZWICK, have been told that the Havasu Indians have built a store next to the parking lot.

  There are no photographs of Grandpa’s hike because I, MELVIN ZWICK, and the great photographers Cassidy and Lydia were not along with him.  I, MELVIN ZWICK, know better than to walk 11 miles down hill and 11 miles up hill and Cassidy and Lydia were not born when Grandpa hiked the trail. Therefore, I, MELVIN ZWICK, will describe the hike in general as told to me by Grandpa the Adventurer.

    This is what the start of the trail looks like.  I, MELVIN ZWICK, think it is not a very uninteresting area.   It looks very dull without any plants or color.

   The trail drops about 2000 feet in the first mile from the trailhead. 

   A problem for all you Kiddos.  Grandpa covers about five feet with every full step.  That’s from left foot to left foot.  A mile is 5280 feet long.  How many steps does Grandpa have to take to cover the first mile? 

   Grandpa and his best buddy Lee Kelley hiked the Havasu trail two times and Grandpa hiked it a third time with a surprise guest, which will be revealed at the end of the story.  Grandpa camped out at Mooney falls for three days the second time he hiked the trail.

   Who in their right mind would want to hike here?  But wait. Its gets better.

   The trail can be seen on the left center of the photo.  You can see that the first part of the hike is not very interesting.  It is nothing but gray sandstone.  Grandpa told me MELVIN ZWICK, there is no water on the trail.  The hike can be very warm in the summer time so one has to carry lots of water.  Grandpa says that people can go a long time without food but it takes a lot of water a day to hike in the heat.

    The mules on the trail have the right of way.  Hikers are expected to stand on the edge of the trail nearest the drop off.  A hiker quickly learns to plan ahead when mules are near.  It is best to find a wide spot in the trail and stand there until the mules pass.

   Wait a minute.  I, MELVIN ZWICK, thought that I did not have a picture of Grandpa and me, MELVIN ZWICK, on the trail.  So what are Grandpa and me doing in this photo?  Note that Grandpa is doing the right thing and standing on the downhill side of the trail.  I, MELVIN ZWICK, on the other hand am doing the wrong thing sitting on the up hillside of the trail.

   The Indians insist that their mules are more valuable than the hikers are.  That is why they want the hikers to stand on the downhill side of the trail as the mules pass by.  They would rather have a hiker fall off the trail than one of their mules.  Do not forget, the Havasu Indians own the canyon, the land above the canyon and the trail.

    Here the scenery starts to look a little more colorful.  Boy, just look at that long trail.  Grandpa was in very good shape during the times he hiked the trail.

   Grandpa walked this trail after he climbed down the first mile.  This part of the trail is about 2 miles long.

    This is a photograph of the canyon taken from a helicopter.  The trail can be seen at the bottom of the canyon.

    Grandpa entered a dry creek bed within a ravine after he left the trail shown above.  The trail is soft sand and loose gravel and is surrounded by towering walls of pink and red sandstone.  It is beautiful and impressive.  The towering cliffs makes a person feel very insignificant. 

   Grandpa had to be very alert as he walked this trail.  Monster snakes live in the cracks of the sandstone cliffs.  They are known to attack hikers that are not on the lookout for them.

 

   Oh boy Melvin Zwick what a phony storyteller you are.  There are no monster snakes in the cracks of the cliffs.  The only critters in the cliffs are ones the Bowes Critter Getters could handle.

 

   Eventually the trail reaches the crystal clear water of the Supai River.  I, MELVIN ZWICK, know what a river is and this is no river.  It’s called a river but it is nothing more than a stream.  Grandpa walked over a wooden footbridge to cross the cool stream.

   Just a thought from the great MELVIN ZWICK.  If Grandpa cooled his feet in the stream what affect might that have on people who are drinking the water downstream from Grandpa.  One has to ask them self if they would want to drink water Grandpa washed his feet in especially after he hiked down the trail.

   This is the village of Supai where about 400 Havasupai Indians live.  The Havasupai Indians have lived in this area for centuries.  It is a very pretty and peaceful place to live.  The Indians grow their own crops and raise sheep and a few cows.  They all have horses as that is the only means of travel.  Some Indians are concerned about the hikers so they leave couches in front of their homes for them to sit

 

Melvin Zwick I sure do not know where you get all these crazy ideas.  The Indians do not leave couches in front of their homes. 

   Well if they don’t how did I, MELVIN ZWICK, get the above picture?  How did I get it?  Just tell me that Grandpa.  How did I, MELVIN ZWICK, get it?

   You got into Grandpa’s Photo Shop again.  A little cut and paste and Grandpa is sitting on a couch in front of an Indian’s house.

    You modified the photo just like I, Grandpa, modified this photograph of Lydia and McKenna.

  Grandpa you caught me again.  I guess I will just have to continue the story.

   The Indians all have a horse as that is the only means of travel. It is common to see horse tied in front of the houses.  There are no cars, motorcycles or bicycles in the canyon.  Any items the Indians need from the outside world have to be delivered by mule down the trail or helicopter.  There are no Wal-Marts nearby.  The village does have a country story where hikers can buy things, that is, if they have lots of money. 

   I, MELVIN ZWICK, have been told that there is now a restaurant and hotel in the village.

   The two tall slender delicately balanced sandstone pillars standing guard over the village of Supai are called the "twin sisters.”

   The Indians grow fields of glisten corn and fruit around the village of Supai.   

   Every now and then, an Indian on a horse passed Grandpa on the trail as he walked through the village.  Grandpa had to watch his step to insure he did not step into some used hay left by the horses.

  The trail wonders past a few houses here and there. 

   Navajo falls, the first falls after the village, comes into view after about a half-mile trek from the village. The falls tumbles about 75 feet in a wide stream of clear Havasu water.  The water has picked up copper salt and has taken on a powder blue color.  The color of the water is so thick you cannot see your hand placed 6 inches below the surface.  The stream is like nothing else you have ever seen.

    Grandpa hikes another half mile and the beautiful Havasu falls comes into view.  The Havasu stream falls about 100 feet in a spray of mist into an aquamarine pool.

    The limestone and miscellaneous chemical salts in the water creates dams forming many shallow pools.  Just the place to rest a weary hiking body.  Look at the color of the water.  It is unbelievable.

   By the way.  How does the Supai word Havasupai translate?  Havasu translates to blue water and Pai translates to people.  Havasupai translates to blue water people.  Now you all can speak some Havasupai language. 

   Hey kiddos how do you pronounce Havasupai.  It is pronounces just like it looks.  Have a soup and a piece of Valerie’s pie. 

 

   Come on MELVIN ZWICK, so far you have been accurate.  However, have a soup and a piece of Valerie’s pie is a little weird.  I know that Valerie’s pie is on our minds but the word is pronounced, “Have a soup pie.”

    Well I, MELVIN ZWICK, cannot help but think about Valerie’s pie and all the cookies the Bowes kiddos made.  And who ever heard of a soup pie?

   Grandpa camped out at Havasu falls after about a seven mile hike and swam in the cool pools of the stream.

   And here we temporally leave Grandpa with not a care in the world sleeping soundly in his sleeping bag.

   The rest of the story will be told in part II of this story. 

   Oh by the way Grandpa took about 1056 steps in the first mile of the hike.  That is, a mile is 5280 feet divided by a 5 foot step equals 1056 steps.

   When we left Grandpa he was sound asleep in his sleeping bag at Havasu Falls campground.

   Grandpa and his buddy Lee Kelley awoke early and fixed themselves breakfast.  There is nothing like steak and eggs with biscuits first thing in the morning.  Coffee brewing in the pot over a campfire sends of an aroma that pleases a person’s sense of smell.  What a way to wake up. 

 

   Melvin Zwick you have apparently not been on many backpack camping trips.  Let’s see where you went wrong. 

   Number one there is no wood at the campground so there would be no campfire.  Especially in a confined area like the Havasu campground which is surrounded by sheer cliffs.  One would have to carry wood in their backpack if they plan on building a campfire.  Wood would add a lot of weight to a person’s backpack.

   Number two a hiker does not carry eggs and steak when he is backpacking. That would require ice to keep the steak and eggs from spoiling.  That would add extra weight to the backpack.

   Number three there is no way to bake biscuits.  Even the Bowes bakers could not bake any of their cookies on the trail.  The most fire one might have is in a can of Sterno.  You know the little cans of fire they use under food trays at weddings to keep food warm. There would not be enough heat to bake biscuits and any utensils needed to bake hem would add weight to the backpack.

   The one thing you do not want to have is a heavy backpack when going on a long hike.

   The best thing for breakfast is Granola bars or a handful of trail mix.  Lee Kelley and I used to enjoy Constant comet tea.  The kind of tea that was not in tea bags.  The tea would be thrown into water in an aluminum cup which was part of the Military style water canteen.  Place the cup on a can of sterno and let the water boil.  When the tea leaves dropped to the bottom of the water the tea was ready to drink. 

   So much for your lack of knowledge Melvin Zwick.  Get on with the story.

 

  OK Grandpa.  You caught me again.

  When the boys woke up they ate their Granola bars and drank their Constant Comet tea.  Then it was back on the trail.  After walking about two miles the sound of Mooney Falls could be heard.  The trail comes out at the top of Monney Falls.  The hike to the base of Mooney Falls is an adventure people faint of heart should not try.

  From the top of the falls the trail drops very steeply for about 200 feet.  Grandpa had to pass through two tunnels in the rock and descend on footholds in the cliff face while clutching slippery wet chain.

  The trail at this point will even cause some concern to an experienced hiker.  If you fall and break something you will be in a world of hurt for a long time until a rescue team can get you out. 

This is the entrance to the tunnels that take you to the bottom of the falls. 

  The surrounding cliffs are molded into strangely shaped limestone sculptures and festooned with bright green mosses and ferns. You can see Mooney falls off and on as you follow the trail.

  Getting down this part of the trail takes a little butt sliding.

    There are many formations formed by the chemical in the water as shown on the left.  That same chemical forms the dams that form the shallow pools under the falls.

   The Havasupai named this most sacred of waterfalls Mother of the Waters. The present name is that of a prospector who died here in 1880. When assistants lowered Daniel Mooney down the cliffs next to the falls, the rope jammed and Mooney hung helpless as the rope frayed and broke. He fell to his death on the rocks below, but 10 months passed before his companions could make their way down to reach and bury the travertine-encrusted body. A rough trail descends beside the falls along the same route hacked through the travertine by miners in those months after Mooney's death. Grandpa passes through two tunnels and then eases down with the aid of chains and iron stakes. At the bottom when Grandpa‘s knees stop shaking he a swim in the large pool. Miners extracting silver, lead, zinc, and vanadium from the drilled holes you see high on the canyon walls.

 

    If you look up at the vertical wall you will see a vertical steel ladder that was installed by the miners.  The top of the ladder is probably 200 feet above the stream.  There is a ledge cut horizontally in the cliff face that leads from the top of the ladder to the mining tunnel.

   On Grandpa’s second trip he continued on the trail for about two miles to Beaver Falls.

   The trail to beaver falls is not as defined as the previous trail.  The stream has to be crossed several times.  Beaver Falls is not as tall as the other falls but the area is just as beautiful.  Grandpa spent a short time here than started the hike back to the Hualapai hill top.

   The twelve mile hike out of the canyon from Beaver Falls is tiring and not as thrilling as the hike down the trail.  The walk seems to take forever.

    This is what Grandpa saw as he started up the last mile of the trail to the hilltop.  This part of the hike is definitely not much fun.

   Grandpa finally reached the hilltop and the car.  A short rest than the drive back to Phoenix.  This day was very long and tiring.

  And now on to the special trip Grandpa made down the Havasupai trail.

  Charlie Ester, one of Grandpa’s friends wanted to go on an interesting hike.  Grandpa suggested a hike down to Havasu Falls with a night stay at the campground then back home.  Charlie had a friend, Stan, who wanted to go on the hike.  All agreed that once at Havasu Falls they would decide if a hike to Mooney Falls would be in order.  Each of the friends wanted to take along a friend so Grandpa took along a friend.  All members agreed that they would all stay together.  No one would break from the pack.

  So it was off to Havasu falls on a nice warm summer day.  Everyone was fascinated by the beautiful scenery as they started their walk through the canyon. All the party reached Havasu Falls in pretty good shape.  At least that is what Grandpa thought.

  I guess it is time for me, MELVIN ZWICK, to tell you who Grandpa’s friend was. 

You won’t believe it.  Grandpa and his two buddies each took their wives on the hike.  Meemom went on the hike with Grandpa.  That’s right.  Meemom your Grandma hiked the Havasupai trail.  At the time of the hike Meemom was studying karate and was in very good shape.  Unfortunately Stan and the other two wives were in not such good shape.  Stan started to complain about a back ache.  Stan’s wife’s knees were giving out.  Charlie’s wife wore a tank top and was suffering from severe sunburn.

  During dinner Charlie decided that he and his wife must hike out after dinner so his wife would not have to walk out in the sun.  He and his wife would start the hike out immediately.  Charlie and his wife were about to leave us.  Stan and Grandpa could stay or walk out with Charlie.  It was decided that all would walk out after dinner.  So much for the promise of staying together.  

   Charlie had to carry his wife’s back pack because her sunburn would not allow her to carry It.  Stan’s wife’s knees made it difficult to walk so Meemom carried her backpack.  Stan‘s back was hurting so bad that he could not carry his backpack so grandpa took it on. 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Of Of all the six hikers in the group Meemom and Grandpa were the only ones who made it to the top in good order.  Charlie and the rest of the group were really suffering.  Meemom did exceptionally well.  She was a great hiker.

   Sometime later she and Robyn hiked the Grand Canyon from rim to rim.  On that trip she and Robyn walked out at night because they were not carrying enough water.  They made a good decision. Walking during the day requires lots of water.

   And there you have it.  The Havasupai adventure.

  

THE END FOR NOW

  

 

 

 

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MELVIN ZWICK’S VISIT WITH PHOOEY RALPH

THE SECRET SPY

BY

WHO ELSE BUT THE GREAT MELVIN ZWICK

  

   It is quite cold in Aspen before the sun comes up.  I, MELVIN ZWICK, left Red’s home early in the morning because I was not much for saying goodbye.

   I, MELVIN ZWICK, had spent several months with my friend Red in his cabin on the outskirts of Aspen.  The time had been spent exchanging life’s stories.  I, MELVIN ZWICK thought I had done it all but when compare to Red’s life my life was boring.  Red had adventures that far exceeded those of mine.  I, MELVIN ZWICK, was a little envious.

  I, MELVIN ZWICK, will never forget the drive to Aspen in Red’s fantastic Ferrari.  I, MELVIN ZWICK, had had many great exciting adventures but none would hold a candle to the drive in that Ferrari.

   But as with all great adventures they have to come to an end.  It was time for me, MELVIN ZWICK, to move on.  New adventures in the West were calling me.

   So it was that I, MELVIN ZWICK, was on the road again bumming rides with anyone who was headed his way.

   I, MELVIN ZWICK, had not gone too far before a trucker stopped and offered me a lift.  As it turned out the trucker was not headed my way.  However the trucker left me, MELVIN ZWICK, off at a coffee shop that was on the road to the west.  There were a bunch of travelers partaking in breakfast.  It might be a great spot to bum a ride headed West.

  I, MELVIN ZWICK, had a unique way of hitching rides.  I might use my thumb to get rides but they usually took me, MELVIN ZWICK, to local truck stops.  When in a truck stop I, MELVIN ZWICK, would strike up conversations with truckers who had stopped for a quick bite to eat.  I would explain how I was on the way looking for new adventures.  A little of my, MELVIN ZWICK’S, life laid out would usually interest someone in giving me a ride headed my way. 

   I, MELVIN ZWICK, had not been gone too long from Reds house before I made friends with a trucker headed to Tucson.  Tucson was not really on the road to where I wanted to go but it might be nice to visit Grandpa’s home.

  I had heard of a fellow who had a great investment idea and wanted to capitalized on it.  He had given me his phone number through several secret agents.  I was told by the last agent in charge to not divulge the number to anyone.  He did not specify the penalty for divulging the phone number but it was obvious from his tone of voice the consequences would be very grave indeed.

 

  After several truck rides I, MELVIN ZWICK, arrived in Tucson.  Being an ex CIA agent it was no problem to find a place to hang my hat. 

  The room was on the second floor of a building on the South West corner of 6^th street and Campbell.  I was familiar with the building from my childhood with Grandpa.  In those days the building was a drugstore.  We boys used to hang out at the soda fountain drinking cherry cokes and reading the magazines in the magazine racks.

  The girl behind the counter was Mary Lou Pool.  Perhaps you are wondering why I remember her name.  She was the first girl I ever had a crush on.  In my young eyes she was the most beautiful girl in the world.  I drank many cherry cokes just so I could watch her.  She was a senior in high school and I was still in Jr High School.

  I never will forget the day she told me it was too bad I was not a little older.  After that I drank so many sodas I almost turned into a cherry.

  Enough dreaming of beautiful Mary Lou Pool.

 

  I unpacked all my things (one shopping bag full of stuff) and made a call to the secret number.  The call was answered by a gentleman who asked all sorts of questions.  It was obvious he was the head security man for the fellow I was to meet. 

  He finally agreed to have the fellow with the great investment secret meet me at the McDonalds on Broadway across from the Park Mall.

 

  I secreted my handy spy camera and took off to the McDonalds.

 

  I arrived on the assigned time and took a seat near the East window.  That way I could check who arrived in the parking lot on the East side of the building.

 

  It was a long wait.  In fact it was so long I, MELVIN ZWICK, almost got up and went on my merry way.  In fact I started to slide out of the seat when I spotted a black car with very dark tinted windows drive into the parking lot.  I slid back on to the seat and primed my spy camera.

  An old fellow wearing a baseball cap with a stock of hair hanging down to his neck got out.  He headed to the entry way.

 

  As soon as he was visible inside the building I took a quick photo.

 

  As you can see the photo does not show our secret fellow very will.  Secret fellows have a way of preventing anyone from taking decent photos of themselves.

  I attempted to take another photo as the fellow got nearer my table.

 Just as soon as I clicked the shutter button the fellow ducked behind a column.  Another wasted photo.

 

Grandpa’s brother, Phooey Ralph.

  Phooey Ralph is the brunt of many jokes by me, MELVIN ZWICK, and Grandpa.  However no one knows much about his life as he has maintained it a secret from the world.  His reason for doing that is the rest of the story.

 

  Phooey Ralph was into being a soldier from the time he could walk.    The first words he spoke were left right as in marching left right left ……..left……left right left.  Even as a baby he marched around the house shouting left, right , left, left…………..left, right left.  The next words he learned were “About Face.” All military marching commands.

  He learned to ride horse before he was out of diapers.  Riding full size horses caused his legs to bow so that he looked like a cowboy.

   Back then he was known as the Little General.

  The boys with their Mom spent some time in the Pacific Ocean.  At first he was afraid of the water because he almost drowned in a swimming pool when he was younger.  Once he overcame his initial fear he learned to swim with no fear. 

 

  Phooey Ralph started training in Karate at a very early age.  Unfortunately he bit the tip of his tongue when he posed for this photo.

  The Little General was always very patriotic.  He was already working on disguises he would use later when he would become a freelance industrial spy. 
 

   This is a very rare photo of Phooey Ralph.  He was not allowed to wear any disguise while dressed in his ROTC uniform.  Note how he is showing respect to his handsome older brother Lee who was a sergeant in the ROTC.

  This rare picture of Phooey Ralph and Handsome brother Lee was taken at their mother’s home in Tucson. 

        Phooey Ralph was always known as the thinker.  He would put his hands on his chin and go into a trance as he pondered the problem.

   Phooey Ralph graduated from the University of Arizona with a degree in Business.

    He older brother, Lee, worked very hard and got a Bachelor of Science degree in Mechanical Engineering.   

   Phooey Ralph would mock his older good looking brother by walking around like a robot saying he was Lee the mechanical engineer.

   Phooey Ralph was always fascinated by the military.  After Graduating from the University he enrolled in a combat ranger program and learned all the tricks of the trade of rangers.  His specialty was hand to hand combat.  He was good at it but never as proficient as his brother Lee who was eventually promoted to 5^th Degree black belt in Shotokan Karate.

   Once he graduated from the military training he was recruited as a freelance industrial spy. 

Phooey Ralph would study the new product development of Companies.  Once he discovered a valuable secret he would sneak into the Company and steal it and sell it to the highest bidder. Sometimes the highest bidder was the original owner of the secret.

  It was a very dangerous job. 

  For a while Phooey Ralph hired Lydia Bowes as his body guard.

   Here she is shown blasting the head off a snowman with her trusty shotgun. 

 Just a side note:  Lydia got her cool nerves from her Chocolate loving Momma who took this picture.  Great job Momma.  You caught the snowman losing his head without a jerk of the camera as the shotgun went off.

   On one mission he stole a secret from a marshmallow factory.  They had developed a marshmallow that would not catch fire when held on a stick over a fire.  As everyone who has roasted a marshmallow over a fire knows they make terrible smores because they always catch on fire and melt before they can be placed between the cookies.

   This caper nearly got Phooey Ralph captured.  He was testing the new marshmallows over a campfire when it was noticed by campers nearby that his marshmallows he was roasting over they fire were not melting.  They asked him about the non- melting marshmallows.  He tried to explain that roasting marshmallows over a campfire without them melting or catching fire required a special talent.  When he could not explain the special talent the campers called the marshmallow police that came on site.  Phooey Ralph was one step ahead of them and was off and running before they got there. 

   Unfortunately he jumped up when he heard the police sirens and dropped a melting, on fire marshmallow on this hip pocket where the formula was secreted.  The fiery marshmallow burned a hole in his back pocket and caught the formula on fire and burned a hole in his pants.  The molten marshmallow stuck to his bottom side and produced a big blister that prevented him from sitting down for a week. 

   Phooey Ralph, as his memory was never as good as his handsome big Brother Lee’s, lost the only copy of the formula.

   Unfortunately we will have to have uncooked marshmallows until marshmallow scientist redevelop the receipt for non-melting marshmallows because the only copy of the formula was destroyed in Phooey Ralph’s back pocket.  Grandpa's grandson Joseph does not seem to mind eating un-fired marshmallows.

  Another time Phooey Ralph heard of a fellow who had developed a non- slip bar of soap.  This fellow lived on Radsheu Island which is off shore of Kenya.

   Phooey Ralph went on the internet and did some research about the inland of Radsheu. 

   He found the island was very prosperous.  The island had many wealthy people who worked hard to develop the industry on the island. The island main source of income was tourism.  People flocked to the island to enjoy the wonderful beaches and relaxed style of living.

 The majority of the population was hard working people who were satisfied to work for a very decent salary.  A great majority of the islanders had good health care coverage.  

  The Islanders work till they were 60 years old then retired on a social security living which they had invested in while they worked. 

   It was so prosperous it was being invaded by aliens from other nearby countries who were looking for a more prosperous way of life. 

  The Health Net on the Island was very good however the illegal aliens were overloading the system as they got free care at the hard working Islanders expense. 

  Of course, as in all societies, there were the people who thought they were owed a living.  Along with the foreign invaders these people were draining the Government’s resources.  This caused the Government to increase taxes.

   Phooey Ralph noted that all the research he did indicated the island was a miniature United States.

 

   Phooey Ralph flew his private sea plane to the island and donned his best Tom Selleck disguise and rented a Ferrari.

   For those of us who know Phooey Ralph well know that he thinks he looks like Tom Selleck so for him disguising himself as Tom Selleck is very easy.

 

  He stayed in one of the elegant local tourist huts. 

  The hut had a very fancy bathroom but they provided very slippery soap.

  A quick tour of the island by Phooey Ralph showed him the islanders seemed to be an unhappy lot.  The conditions of the country did not seem to match the tourist brochures.

   There were several small factories scattered thorough the island.  They manufactured things mainly for export. The workers were paid a meager salary.  It seems the companies were strapped into paying large amounts for government run health care for their workers. 

  There were numerous farms around the island.  However few grew any crops.  Farm animals were few and far between.

   The large mansions on the mountains around were in shabby shape.  The island vegetation was overcoming the mansions.

 It was Phooey Ralph’s impression that the island did not match that described on the internet and in travel books. The whole country seemed to be in tatters.

  After the tour of the island Phooey Ralph decided it was time to learn more about the secret of the non-slip soap.

  Being a super spy he determined the best way to find the formula was to complain about the slippery soap the resort puts in their tourists huts. 

   Sure enough in about three days a fellow in a black trench coat saddled up to Phooey Ralph and in a whisper said, “Your wanna buy some non-slippery soap?”  Being a smart spy he told the trench coat wearing character he took lots of showers and needed to buy a case of the non-slip soap.  Phooey Ralph said he would only talk to the big non-slippery soap honcho. 

  The trench clad stranger invited Phooey Ralph into his dilapidated old clunker.  A bone jarring ride left Phooey Ralph wondering if they would ever make their destination. 

  On the way they passed a small sheep and goat ranch.  The driver said the ranch was called The Crossroads Country Ranch and was run by several young people.

 

  The driver identified the ranchers as Victoria, Caroline, who are the goat raisers and Lydia who is the sheep raisers.  The ranchers really love their animals.

 The ranch also raises puppies and provides dog boarding service.  The driver told Phooey Ralph that Danny, who belongs to Rancher Kyle, was the father of a bunch of puppies.

   Danny is noted on the Ranch for his boundless energy.  He is full of pep always ready to go and chase balls that Kyle hits with his baseball bat. 

  Valerie loves her Aussie pup.  She is also great at giving rides to her younger brothers Timothy and Joseph.  Hey wait a minute.  Who is that standing at the left of the photo.

 Valerie’s Aussie Anna is noted for being a very beautiful pup.

   The ranchers are a very religious family that is led by Preacher Timothy.

 

  And what would a great ranch be without a fire marshal.  That Job is filled by their youngest Crossroads Country rancher Joseph.

  The jolting dilapidated car finally stopped at an upscale mansion.   There were all sorts of sheep and goats running loose around the property.

   The shady driver in the trench coat led Phooey Ralph into the home and into a dark room.    

   Sitting in a darken corner was a character speaking as if he was saying speeches. 

   The driver whispered that the fellow was Doctor Hussein O.  The driver said he was the creator of the non-slip soap.

   As Phooey Ralph’s eyes adjusted he got a glimpse of the fellow talking in the corner. 

  A closer look showed that Hussein O was seated behind teleprompter screens as he receipted his speeches.  He was a very frightening character with bones in his nose and a head surrounded with feathers.

   The trench clad driver introduced Hussein O to Phooey

Ralph.  Hussein O welcomed Phooey Ralph and invited him to sit down.  Phooey Ralph looked around the hut looking for a chair.  Not finding a chair he sat on a drum.  The sound the drum made as Phooey Ralph placed his butt on it made Hussein O Laugh.  Hussein O came out of the shadow and sat down on a drum repeating the drum sound.  The second drum sound brought a fellow out who served two iced tea drinks.  

  At first Phooey Ralph was shocked to see Hussein O’s mode of dress.  The following photo described Hussein O’s dress better than I can.

 

  Hussein O and phooey Ralph talked about many things before Phooey

Ralph asked him about his non slip soap.

   At first Hussein O never answered Phooey Ralph’s question about the soap.  Hussein O took Phooey Ralph out into the yard and showed him how well the goats and sheep were organized. 

   Hussein O told Phooey Ralph that early on he found that he has a mesmerizing form of speech.  All he had to do was talk to the sheep and they fell in line.  They would gaze at him as if they were hypnotized when he spoke.

   He had started organizing the animals on the farm.  He mentioned there were no pigs at the farm as they were against his Muslim religion.

  Hussein O realized he had something going.  Maybe his mesmerizing speech could work on people.  He could bring change to the island.  He could be king of the island.  

   Hussein O said he started talking to the people of the island.  He offered them change they could believe in. 

   Hussein O said the people fell in line just like his sheep.  They started chanting, “Change we can believe in.” several stated they had a thrill run up their leg every time they heard Hussein O speak.

   The people under the leadership of Hussein O became just like his flock of sheep a happy and satisfied people.  Hussein O called the villagers his flock.

  Hussein told Phooey Ralph he was so impressed with his mesmerizing speech he was preparing to try his Community Organizing in the Unites States.  If his mesmerizing speech had the same effect on the citizens he would run for The US Senate. 

  He started describing his plans for the future.  He planned on moving to the United States and to run for political office.  He explained there was a problem in his plan.  He had been born in Kenya and would not be a US citizen.  He had figured a way to circumvent that problem by have his friends in Hawaii get him a false birth certificate and insert his birth announcement into old records of papers that were circulated on his birthday.

  Phooey Ralph was so enthralled by Hussein O’s hypnotic speech he ordered and paid cash for 30 tons of the non-slip soap without even testing it.  Phooey Ralph received the formula for the non- slip soap.  In return he was to pay Hussein O a commission on all the soap he manufactured.

  Phooey Ralph had received a crate of the non-slip soap from the slick talking Hussein O as he left Hussein-O home. 

   He was beginning to question his deal he had made with Hussein O as he road back to town in the dilapidated jalopy.

  He went to his hotel room and tried the soap out.  He stepped into the shower with a bar of the non- slip soap.  The soap immediately slipped out of his hands and fell to the floor.  Phooey Ralph when reaching for it stepped on it and fell backwards.  He hit his head.  He immediately dressed and went to the hospital.  He was confronted with about 100 people waiting in the emergency room for treatment.  He was told that the Emergency Room Doctor would probably get to see him in about six days.  As Phooey learned the waiting flock of people was made up mostly illegal immigrants who were being taking care of by Hussein O free medical care.

 He did the only thing he could do.  He immediately boarded his sea plane and headed home where he hoped to get to a hospital where he would be treated in a short time.

  This venture ended his spy career as he found the non- slip soap was scam concocted by the mesmerizing Hussein O.  He was left poor as he had spent all his fortune on the soap scam  

  Phooey Ralph retired as he lost interest in the spy game.  He never overcame the need to be secretive and even when meeting his good looking brother he could not resist hiding from the camera.

  

  Once he retired he was looking for something to do.  So what did he do?

  He took after me, MELVIN ZWICK, and started writing books. His books are on conspiracy theories.  All of his books have been best sellers.

   The photo of a painting shown below was just discovered.  It shows that Phooey Ralph had an interest in the country for a long time.

  Here Phooey Ralph is shown giving his advice George Washington at the Constitutional Convention.  George Washington is known as the father of the country.  That makes Phooey Ralph a very old fellow.   A lot older than me, MELVIN ZWICK.

  He became very successful with several of his books that were best sellers.  Some of his books are even published in foreign countries in their own language.  Why even the Chinese are publishing one of his books.

   Go Phooey Ralph.

  And there you have the story of Phooey Ralph, secret agent, industrial spy, best selling author brother to his famous silversmith brother Lee.

  I, MELVIN ZWICK, enjoyed my visit with Phooey Ralph.  He is quite a jokester however the jokes get old after a while. 

 

THE END FOR NOW